NLP - conflict

"Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route." - Elizabeth Kenny

“Trying for the best, instead of good enough, brings too much emotional ventromedial prefrontal activity into the decision-making process. In contrast, recognizing that good enough is good enough activates more dorsolateral prefrontal areas, which helps you feel more in control …” Korb: “Actively choosing caused changes in attention circuits and in how the participants felt about the action, and it increased rewarding dopamine activity. Making decisions includes creating intentions and setting goals — all three are part of the same neural circuitry and engage the prefrontal cortex in a positive way, reducing worry and anxiety. Making decisions also helps overcome striatum activity, which usually pulls you toward negative impulses and routines. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world — finding solutions to your problems and calming the limbic system.”

A key thing here is that you’re making a conscious decision, or choice, and not just being dragged to a resolution. Your brain gets no reward for that.

If you’re still reluctant to make a choice between one option or another, the science suggest don’t worry, you’re likely to gain a positive bias toward the decision you make anyway. As Korb notes, “We don't just choose the things we like; we also like the things we choose.”

Step #1. Select the situation, and fully express your thoughts about it. Think of a difficult situation (conflict). Run everything that you think about the situation in writing to a friend( who is conceptual ) > speaking to a friend > writing > thinking Especially include those thoughts that you would like to communicate, whether or not you actually should. - make a conscious effort to express everything especially if u sense your intuition telling you not to.

Step #2. Repeat the thoughts with better organization and priority. Do this again, but allow your thoughts, now that you have run them through your mind, to fall together in a more orderly fashion, with a better sense of your priorities.

Step #3. Practice improvising off of your talking points.

Imagine the situation in which you will want to communicate your message.At first, make it easy. After you are comfortable with this, try bringing out various aspects of your message, improvising off of the key points that you have boiled your message down to. Remember to limit yourself to only the most important and compelling aspects.

Step #4. Continue, but with more of a challenge. Imagine the person you need to communicate this to. Have them try various manipulative gambits to throw you off. This is how they manipulate you and abuse their power, most likely. Improvise from your key talking points, no matter what they say. You probably know them, or people like them, well enough to imagine a good variety of distracting, intimidating, or simply irritating comments that they might make.

Step #5. Add vision and passion. Get in touch with the positive vision and emotion that you have in connection with each talking point. Really get in your mind the outcome and values behind the talking point, and how you really feel. You have positive emotions driving you to care enough to communicate about this. Even if it was a negative situation and set of emotions such as being fed up with intimidation or other boundary crossings, you can work your way back to positive vision, such as respect for boundaries, human dignity, and productive relationships toward whatever your common goal is.

Step #6. Have more practice sessions on this material in the coming days. Sleep will do wonders for this. After doing this pattern, your subconscious mind will be working to extend your intimacy with these talking points, and your ability to improvise in communicating from them. Keep practicing in the coming days when you get a chance to fantasize, such as while doing dishes or driving.

Step #7. Test. As you take this skill into the real world, notice how people listen to you and respond to your vision, emotions and talking points. Continue to use this pattern for other important communications. Any conflict or leadership situation is a good one for this pattern. Any sensitive communications with difficult people are good for practice

Additional Advice When you are practicing in your mind, you can show your subconscious mind that it can be confident. For example, you can imagine the other person being just one in a crowd of a thousand listening to you up on a podium with a microphone.