Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.
—THOMAS CARLYLE
Criticism is defined as pointing out another’s faults in a disapproving way. Therefore, “constructive criticism” is an oxymoron. To be constructive is to build up. To criticize is to tear down. You are never being constructive when you criticize someone. The key is to talk not about what the person didn’t do in the past, but rather about what you want the person to do in the future. Instead of “You didn’t turn in your time card by 5 P.M. again! What are you, stupid?” consider “Time cards are due at 5 P.M., I’m sure you’ll remember that.”
Our words let others know our expectations of them and their behavior. If the words are critical, then the behavior will mirror the expectation represented by what we say. Most people have low resources, low control over their impulses, this is the sole assumption you should go by. Any attack will receive retaliation, attacking is unwise not even for the the sport of it, and even so, its inefficient.
Eliza Doolittle explains this phenomenon to Colonel Pickering: “You see, really and truly, apart from the things anyone can pick up (the dressing and the proper way of speaking, and so on), the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she’s treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.”
“No matter the lesson, you can teach it only by instilling a sense of pride, not shame, in the pupil.” —HARVEY MACKAY
Leadership can be a daunting task. The use of criticism is an indication of a leader who lacks the resources to truly lead. A leader’s job is to inspire people to reach their highest level of performance. When someone does his or her best, the organization benefits and the person experiences the satisfaction of accomplishment. The employee feels the thrill of calling forth hidden resources he or she never knew existed. People grow when they reach deep and do more, and this is exciting and stimulating for them. A leader’s job is the careful balancing of inspiration and direction.
Like criticism, sarcasm is also complaining. Criticism is a complaint wielded as a direct attack, whereas sarcasm is passive-aggressive complaining.
Sarcasm is a negative comment with a humorous escape hatch. It affords the person making the remark plausible deniability should someone call that person on it.
People ask, “What’s wrong with a little sarcasm? I’m just being funny.” Sarcasm is always a critical statement with a funny spin. Sarcasm is a cutting remark couched in the context of telling a joke. It’s the last refuge of a person who wants to make a point but who does not want to be held responsible for any fallout that may occur as a result.
“A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” —LAWRENCE G. LOVASIK
Maybe there is a peace that comes from knowing that when someone says something, he or she means it.
Find someone who can help you reframe the situations in your life in a positive manner; helping you seek out the potential good in whatever situation you are facing. You need a cheerleader, someone to encourage you when you’re tempted to quit, a person who wants you to make it. There is the emotional side to this, that can help everyone and then theres the logical side, conceptual, where an individual with a higher conceptual potential can't be helped by one with lower and it might actually lead to negative results.