When a thought, belief, or interpretation of an event causes you distress, it’s helpful to examine the evidence for and against it. This will help you identify and change thoughts based on inaccurate assumptions.
Step 1. Identify a negative or distressing thought.
Step 2. Gather evidence for and against that thought.
» Collect specific evidence about the thought to check its accuracy. » Ask others who know you well for their realistic, honest feedback about the
» Ask others who know you well for their realistic, honest feedback about the thought. » Seek out experiences that counteract your negative beliefs. For example, go out and do some activity and observe what really happens. You will see first-hand the evidence against them.
Step 3. Look at your list realistically and see where the evidence lies.
Ask yourself: Is your belief inherently true, or is it an internalized message from your environment? If you find it is true, think about what is in your power to change.
Belief or thought Evidence for . . . Evidence against . . .
Source: Susan J. Noonan, Managing Your Depression: What You Can Do to Feel Better (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2013), 99–100.
There is an admitted self-delusional quality to being happy. But there is also a self-delusional quality to being unhappy. Austrian-British philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said, “The world of those who are happy is different from the world of those who are not.” Life is an illusion. Our perspective is a delusion. Choose the delusion that brings you the only thing that matters—choose to be happy.
After you have gone the months it takes to become a Complaint Free person, you will find that you have changed. Just as over generations the bodies of blind cave fish stopped producing both pigmentation and eyes, you will find that your mind no longer produces a deluge of negativity. Because you are not articulating negative thoughts, the complaint factory in your mind closes down. You have shut off the spigot and the well has dried up. By changing your words, you have reshaped the way you think. It has now become Unconscious (you don’t notice) for you to be Competent (not complain).
“No one ever complained their way to the top.” —FRANK PERDUE
In the Unconscious Competence stage you are no longer an “ouch” looking for a hurt. Rather, your thoughts are now on what you want, and you are beginning to notice how what you desire manifests. Not only are you happier, but also the people around you seem happier. You are attracting upbeat people, and your positive nature is inspiring those around you to even higher mental and emotional levels. To paraphrase Gandhi, you have become the change you wish to see in your world. When something goes well for you, your immediate response is “Of course!” And when a challenge presents itself, you don’t give it any energy by speaking about it to others; rather, you begin to look for a blessing, and in seeking, you find.
In the Unconscious Competence stage you will notice how uncomfortable you now feel when someone around you begins to complain. It’s as if a very unpleasant odor has suddenly wafted into the room. Because you have spent so much time checking yourself against complaining, when you hear it coming from someone else it’s like a clanging cymbal during a moment of sacred silence. Even though the person’s griping isn’t pleasant for you to hear, you won’t feel compelled to correct the other person. Rather, you’ll simply observe the complaining, and because you neither criticize nor complain, the person won’t need to justify and perpetuate his or her behavior.
As you settle into being Unconsciously Competent, your default mind-set will be one of appreciation. You will still have things you desire to obtain, and that’s good. Now, with your newfound positive energy, you can hold an image in your mind of what you desire, knowing that it is, even now, moving toward you.
Your financial situation will probably improve as well. Money is, in and of itself, without value. Money is slips of paper and coins that represent value. As you begin to value yourself and your world more, you will vibrate at a level that attracts greater financial benefits. People will want to give to and provide for you things that you may have had to pay for in the past. I know of a man who receives a number of professional services free simply because the people providing these services like him and enjoy his energy. Positive, happy people are simply more enjoyable to be around. Now that you are such a person, another way your finances may improve is through pay raises and increased job opportunities.