Me male, been dating an INTJ for now 3 months. I very much so crave the thoughts in her head. I noticed though she is on guard. What I mean by that is she has barriers and I know everyone does. She is very intelligent and always thinking about something. As for our relationship, there has been times where she is ready to just shut me out and cut it but then comes back. I'm confused as to how do I get her to trust me and basically open up a bit more? I feel like I have been doing my all and sometimes she says she feels exhausted. Help! I really like this girl and want to make this relationship work.
[–]gruia 1 point 17 minutes ago
INTJs have the strongest wall, their vulnerability is almost nonexistent. you should consider if you can deal with that. i know its an anxious vs avoidant behavior thing, but still, you have to understand human virtues, and your needs. an INTJ will not provide that intimacy you crave, because intimacy needs a ton of vulnerability. it needs someone able to express who they are, and willing to change who they are into something better. an INTJ will most likely draw fast conclusions when and where he can express himself without causing fuss (conflict is seen as bad is most often of their conviction, a wrong conviction). and their convictions are mostly intangible, as they take them as given, 5% chance of even considering it flexible, and are more than capable of formulating smart arguments using those flawed convictions to make your little head spin )
Andhareall 1 point 2 hours ago
(conflict is seen as bad is most of their conviction, a wrong conviction).
This was a problem I had with my ex. He thought that because our relationship had conflict at times, it was a bad relationship. He didn't communicate his worries to me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but his lack of communication resulted in our eventual break-up. It frustrated me because his silence never gave me an opportunity to improve myself or vice versa, but I do think part of it is due to his inexperience.
Conflict is not bad in a relationship; it is how the conflict is resolved and how each partner addresses conflict.
[–]gruia 1 point just now
mhm. without conflict you cant learn anything about the other, you cant improve your own value system, you can't imrpove your partners value system, and it just spirals down from there. more avoidance, more passive aggression, less and less information shared, more and more unresolved issues pilling on.. till their intuition says, thats it, i dont like this anymore, i guess i grew out of love. sigh, this culture man,