D n D

DO TRY TO:

• Be present and give your family member or friend your full attention.

• Provide unconditional love and support.

• Listen actively.

• Do what you say you are going to do.

• Maintain hope and a realistic optimism.

• Let him know you care.

• Validate his feelings and make him feel worthwhile.

• Know the symptoms of depression and mania.

• Be a positive role model.

• Remind him of his qualities.

• Call his attention to similar challenges he has successfully met.

• Encourage him to face his fears.

• Urge him to strive to achieve his goals.

• Respect his choice about how much he wants to share. Some people are very private about their feelings. Others may want to talk about their depression. If someone confides in you, keep the conversation to yourself. Ask him how much he wants others to know.

• Discuss treatment decisions with him if asked, but don’t offer advice. Respect his decisions even if you disagree. • Offer to help with routine tasks, but don’t take over. Look for ways to facilitate his self-care. • Help in concrete, specific ways (such as picking up groceries, walking the dog, or going with him to an appointment). • Include him in daily activities or social events. Let him be the one to determine if it’s too much to manage. • Keep your relationship as normal and balanced as possible. He may appreciate conversations and activities that don’t involve depression. • Expect him to have good days and bad days, emotionally and physically. • Remember that greater patience and compassion may be necessary at times. • Respect your own limits. • Take care of yourself. You won’t be effective at helping another if you are burned out.

TRY NOT TO:

• Offer advice or judge your family member or friend. • Compare his experience to your own or others. • Blurt out reassuring words automatically when he expresses despair. This can cause him to feel dismissed rather than supported. Before just saying, “You’ll be fine,” think about whether you’re only trying to calm your own anxiety. • Take things too personally. It’s common for him to sometimes be more quiet or irritable than usual. • Be afraid to talk about depression or mania. • Fear asking him about suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts. • Blame him for his illness, thoughts, or feelings. Understand that this is a biologically based illness. • Use cliché’s and quick responses, such as “Snap out of it!” • Promise anything you cannot deliver.

For additional recommendations, see A. Yeung, G. Feldman, M. Fava, Self-Management of Depression: A Manual for Mental Health and Primary Care Professionals (Cambridge University Press, 2010), appendix C.