submitted 3 hours ago by catladylaurenn
This was asked on r/ENFP about INTJs and INFJs so I thought it would be interesting to pose the same question here and get YOUR point of view! That being said:
What annoys/bothers you about ENFPs?
What are some things we do that leaves you scratching your head?
Anything we do that drives you crazy?
[–]doggymelonssF | 25 | INFJ [score hidden] 2 hours ago
One thing that has happened with every single ENFP that I've known is they are never there for you when you need them to be.
They come in and act like they care, act like your best friend who wants to listen to all your struggles...etc. So you feel like they are someone who will be there for you when there is an emergency or you really just need a friend. But they won't be. Most of my ENFP friends won't even reply for a day or two, sometimes they won't respond at all.
This has happened to me with 3 ENFP friends. One of them being my best friend of 13 years.
My INTP friend from high school whom I hardly ever talk to will be at my side in less than 15 minutes, but an ENFP who I have known for 13 years will not reply for hours.
They are flakey and give off this vibe that they care about you, but their actions say otherwise.
They aren't very loyal either. They are great friends but don't ever expect them to stand up for you. They like to "understand" all sides of the situation, and stay neutral. This is something that has really hurt me and caused me to push them away.
ENFPs are fun friends when they are present, but horrible long distance friends.
I'm still friends with the ENFP of 13 years I just don't depend on her like I used to, and I don't share everything like I once did.
[–]gruiaENFJ 1 point just now
the difference between FP and FJ, is that FJ is not conflicted with his issues, he has issues but he thinks they are not issues. like prioritizing harmony rather than truth. not giving criticism etc. FPs, are conflicted about their issues, they feel something but express another. or rather suppress it. They make the attempt to sync with the other actively, but if it doesnt work, there is no visible reaction, they just ride it off, while hating inside
[–]PewPewImOnFire [score hidden] an hour ago
Personally, I'll be very loyal to you but I won't disregard facts, and I won't pretend like you're an angel that can do no wrong. Objectivity hurts sometimes, I guess shrug
I'm sorry you've had those bad experiences. I hope I'm not like those other ENFPs you know.
[–]doggymelonssF | 25 | INFJ [score hidden] 58 minutes ago
Yeah, try being friends with someone for 13 years, crying on their shoulder over how abusive your mom is and then having that same exact friend go behind you back sending messages to your mom and then lying about it.
I'm not asking you to be loyal when I'm wrong, I'm asking you to be loyal because you knew the fucking truth and still betrayed me.
[–]PewPewImOnFire [score hidden] 27 minutes ago
Oh, that's awful! I can't remotely condone that. I'm sorry.
[–]doggymelonssF | 25 | INFJ [score hidden] 25 minutes ago
I get your point, but I guess with ENFPs I just don't feel like they would ever have my back. They might be there for me, but they won't ever be the one to stand up for me or defend me. And that's something that means a lot to me.
[–]PewPewImOnFire [score hidden] 16 minutes ago
That sucks...I guess all you can do is hope. I guess it's something that I could do better on as well--being a little hesitant to stand up for my friends because I'm too insecure to risk alienating everyone else.
[–]gruiaENFJ 1 point just now
no man, the issue is with not having an honest relationship with that friend. with having an internal conflict you are ignoring. you clearly dont think he is worth your trouble, yet, you never let him know. not even when he asks you for something, you DONT explain to him, dude, i will not help you with such a thing, its not worth it for me. No, they chose to go quiet mode avoidant, block, and put the responsibiltiy of the conflict on you alone. you can do whatever u want: u either give up, or act as if nothing happened. take a pick its sad
[–]opbn818/M INFJ 1w2/4w3/6w7 sx/so 3 points 2 hours ago
I definitely have a love-hate relationship with ENFPs.
Things that annoy me:
They seem super disorganized and can't keep plans for the life of them (in my experience).
They come off as a bit disingenuous to me
I can't really follow their Ne, so when they get excited about something I just end up scratching my head or feeling overwhelmed
Can be too much energy sometimes
However, I love how fun and easygoing ENFPs can be. And they have the whole "I give a shit in a big way but I'm too insecure to show it" thing going on which I can definitely empathize with. When we're on the same page and they slow their Ne down they can be super fun/interesting to talk to/pick their brain.
[–]iDaruINFJ-A 2w1 (sc) /M/23 3 points 2 hours ago
I don't like at least in the one I know how selfish she can be at times. And lastly how whenever there's an issue she does this passive aggressive thing where she doesn't speak about the issue right then, and takes it out on the whole world. The only way I know how to cope is to just give her space and then see where it goes from there
[–]tattsncurlsINFJ/27/F 1w2 [score hidden] an hour ago
Yeah this is what I struggle with as well with all the ENFP's in my life. They are all so passive aggressive! Instead of just calling whatever it is out they get very obviously upset and just start cutting people around them down. So I do the same thing, take cover until they cool down. I also really struggle to be totally honest with them for this reason which makes it hard for me to be as close to them as I would otherwise be. I love talking with them when things are good and of course going on fun adventures but I feel like there's a barrier to us being "inner circle" close.
[–]PewPewImOnFire [score hidden] an hour ago
I think...I've been interpreted as being passive-aggressive in my conversations with INFJs many times. I'm actually just trying to say things with tact...if I call you out on something and you're too sensitive to deal with it, you blow up in my face and it's horrible.
However, I think your situation is a bit different. Looks like someone needs a lot of tough love.
[–]fluxandfucksESTP 3 points 2 hours ago
Most of the ENFPs I know don't come across as competent and more importantly they don't care. They are blissfully unaware of how incompetent they are, the ones I know.
ENFPs don't seem to get what's happening either. Just like, it's hard to explain.... But there's a deep unawareness of what's going on it seems. I think this just has to be my Se clashing with their Ne.
Fun people but both too easily offended and too offensive it seems. Friendly ish people that never fully convince me that they actually give a fuck about anyone but themselves lol.
Since I'm not an infj, I feel it's only fair to ask you why ESTPs suck too.
[–]vbar4426/M/INFJ [score hidden] an hour ago
They use their zaniness and obliviousness as an excuse to be inconsiderate and thoughtless...although I may just be talking about my ex
[–]EmsireSquireINFJ / M [score hidden] an hour ago*
Definitely an anecdotal experience and I'd love to know more ENFPs myself, but some personal things that drive me crazy (none of these things are flaws as well):
-Their spontaneity and independence: I love how they carve their own paths, and it's a marvel to listen to them talk, but I sometimes can't keep up with the flow of the conversation (I tend to get lost in my own thoughts). I'm also not much of an initiator - I rarely see them outside of mutual events or meetings.
-Their innocent charm: This puts me in a state where I overthink every previous interaction, unhealthily drawing mixed signals when there are none. I know that I'm definitely not good at putting myself out there in pursuing others. While no fault of their own, it's just that I've often interpreted things wrong, and once I show my affections to someone, I usually get a bunch of deterring signals. I'm still working on moving on, and I'd rather stop myself and my attempts if I don't get clear signals back.
[–]daelyteINFJ/35/m 9w1/5w6/2w1 so/sx [score hidden] 46 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure my dad is an ENFP. We're close, but just off the top of my head...
The worst:
takes criticism personally
can't agree to disagree over minor issues
sometimes talk too much/too fast, overwhelming me, not giving me time to think or respond, which makes me angry and wears me out
overbearing, especially with family. You don't have to get involved in everyone's personal problems all the time. Let go.
The rest (annoying but tolerable):
too self-absorbed (but not selfish) to listen carefully to others
can't seem to understand that other people can like/dislike different things
unaware/uncaring of how they come across to others
unable/unwilling to adjust interaction to the people they're interacting with
specifically: explains things without caring if the person understands any of it, won't adjust to make it more understandable (if they can't keep up, they're stupid and not worth his time)
mangles terminology
impatient, impulsive, rushes through everything
makes many grandiose plans, but doesn't finish things
puts paperwork off until never (instead of asking for help)
Head-scratching:
tells us all about what he doesn't like, but doesn't tell us what he does like
this is especially annoying with movie downloads - he resists rating movies he's already seen, but whines and complains when I download one he doesn't like