agency
- takenfromabook
- Apr 7, 2017
- 3 min read
Stop trying to take control of all aspect of your life
Why? Life is unpredictable. Trying to control everything in your life is like trying to control the weather – simply not possible. Human brains were not designed for the vastness of our world.
What you should do instead? Try to not have every step of every day planned. There are always unpredictable situations, you will get frustrated if things aren’t going the way you planned. So, the concept to integrate here is vulnerability to chaos. Take enjoyment in the process of handling chaos, and figuring out new solutions. Enjoy the puzzle!
Stop working hard for a future and forget about the present
Why? Nobody knows what future holds and planning can drive you anxious, locked in 1 potential future out of infinity. You can never relive the present and you will miss out on many great things if you just live in the future, not to mention intimacy and health.
What you should do instead? Focus on what is around you and what you are doing now. Changing perspectives, switching tasks, focusing on your breath and sensations will make you feel more energized and concentrated.
Focus on what hurts you
Why? Being hurt is inevitable part of our lives, but it is a passing thing. Focusing on things that make you feel bad might unnecessarily prolong negative emotions, which corrupt your reason. Also avoiding it or fixing it just sediments a conviction, an open wound. Negative emotions narrow our mind, forcing us to pick from limited options. This phenomenon is especially observable when we are in life-threatening situation, where we have to take immediate action.
When we are trapped with a reduced number of choices as a result of emotions coming into play, we make wrong regretful decisions.
What you should do instead? You don't need to eliminate the cause of your pain. Switch tasks, figure out how relevant the problem is, seek multiple perspectives and solutions by keeping your vulnerability.
Stop feeling bad for making a mistake
Why? If you don’t make mistakes, there are no challenges and no chances for personal growth. Not wanting to make mistakes means you don’t get to try new things and learn new things. Mistakes are also valuable lessons that will stick with us forever and make us better.
What you should do instead? Don’t look at mistakes as something bad and embarrassing. its part of the process. with everything try to skim through all the frustrations / emotions and get to the process. seeing the full equation, long term wins, developing muscle x, feeling y, understanding z etc.
Stop resisting your fear
Why? Being afraid keeps us reactive, always boxed in. You will isolate yourself from everything, keep reducing the variables with risk of unpredictability.
What you should do instead? Approach every situation you fear as means to train the muscle of vulnerability. Smell the smell, feel the hormones, be aware of your body and environment. Taste it and find everything there is to enjoy about it. Even if its pain.
Agency starts with what scientists call interoception, our awareness of our subtle sensory, body-based feelings: the greater that awareness, the greater our potential to control our lives. Knowing what we feel is the first step to knowing why we feel that way. If we are aware of the constant changes in our inner and outer environment, we can mobilize to manage them.