submitted 4 hours ago * by whatwasthatcat
Is it worth it to change yourself to get a girlfriend? I already spent my whole life up to a certain age with friends, until a few years ago upon which I decided to stop hanging out with friends as they stopped stimulating me; they were simply domino-effect extensions of society whom I met in school based on circumstance. I have not craved friendship since then. However, as a young guy, I have needs. I want to have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, females go for guys with social status. How can you have social status when you find society stupid and it is a chore for you to dumb yourself down daily in order to climb the illogical and incorrect societal ladder? I am intelligent enough to imitate stupid extroverted guys who get girls, but I still don't know if the trade off (getting a gf vs forcing yourself to act illogical/in a way that you hate daily when in the presence of others) is worth it.
I can easily get a Phd; I finished in the 99th percentile in more than one undergrad course with moderate effort. However, I don't agree with the current formal education system so I have no motivation to climb it. I would prefer to focus on making money and doing my research on my own, as opposed to spending years fulfilling the ego of a pseudoscientific, hypocritical, ego-filled professor within an incorrect system which is filled with departmental childish politics and gossip, and which fetishizes empiricism at all costs and a thesis on a narrow field. I prefer to focus on the big picture. I know in the future I will make a sufficient amount of money which will fill the social status requirement so females won't be a problem, but that is a few years away. I want a girlfriend now. At this age, the social status requirement is mainly filled by muscle/extroversion/insecurity incorrectly being perceived as confidence (if you rely on and emphasize the strong relationship between your personal attributes and those favoured by society, that is insecurity via overcompensation, not confidence). I have started lifting weights, but I still find the decision over whether to exercise extroversion (no pun intended) as quite the dilemma.
[–]Akkatha 4 points an hour ago
Honestly like others have said you need to chill the fuck out. INTJ does not equal robot. It's just a set of personality types to describe how people view and react to the world.
If you go through life acting like a robot, never taking an interest in people and cultivating relationships then you will be lonely, and you're starting to reap what you've sown right now. If it makes things easier, think of relationships with friends or potential partners like balancing an equation, both sides need to get out what they put in.
I might be coming across as very rude here, but sometimes I think honesty is the best policy. I'm a straight guy in a relationship but even aside from that, the way you've written your post, if you acted like that in real life, would make me not want to be your friend let alone date you.
I can assume you're at uni/college age and just entering the workforce. Be prepared to learn some shocking lessons, especially that your intelligence will not get you everywhere you want it to. The people getting better jobs than you or getting promotions instead of you might not be as smart as you, they just put more time and work into being socially valuable. Hell, they might even be smarter than you and still better at being sociable. Humans are social animals by nature, so get used to it.
A girlfriend is a partner, not something you just want to have to make your life better. Socialise more, put some effort in and then all of this will fall into place.
[–]axsis 2 points 2 hours ago
You're falling into a trap...
You need to find out who you are first and foremost. Societal ladder? Fuck I met my girlfriend in a University T-Shirt, Jeans and with a phone that didn't even have a camera. I was also in the 3rd year of a 2 year research masters degree, so I am not exactly 'successful'. Someone who's right for you doesn't give a shit as long as you are trying to make your way as best as possible. The point is unless you're trying to be a PUA, getting a real relationship for the right reasons doesn't require that bullshit mentality. If you want to imitate people is that really your relationship or is it someone else's?
You are very clearly just after sex, well earn money and hire a prostitute. If that's what you are really after it's probably the best way to go about it. If that's not what you're after you need to offer more to the person who is going to be your girlfriend than sex. What makes you interesting? Do you read? Do you write? Do you run marathons? Do you go hiking? Do you watch a particular genre of films? Do you do martial arts? Do you have pets? Do you enjoy fine cuisine? Who are you? Are you morally upright? Do you enjoy philosophy? Are you religious? Have you got a driving philosophy that someone else might have in common? Do you have values that you would like to see in someone else?
If you don't want friends that's your prerogative but I find it helps to at least have a few good ones you can ask for help and can meet up with, have a drink etc. Sometimes it's good to break the boundaries we think we don't need. Bonding over common aspects of life does give a deeper meaning to life and different lenses with which to view the world.
Your ego needs to come down a notch, you don't know all the answers, you have no clue whether you would succeed at a PhD (many people think research is easy but really it can vary and take between 3 years and 8 years). Maybe you can succeed at a bs taught PhD.
There are reasons for the things you state in academia, empiricism is necessary to avoid psuedoscience, so you already have an inherent contradiction in your understanding of how academia runs. In academia the point of focusing on specific questions is so that you don't have such a broad question that it ends up being impossible to find any outcome. You aren't in these fields and until you are you won't realize how much depth there is on a particular topic. I have a nearly 8000 word chapter in my masters dissertation on a single area of research and that's only including the most relevant and related research in the field to my particular area of study. Academia does have some of those flaws you listed and it depends on the institution and people involved but I think you are jumping to conclusions. It's also very clearly not what you want.
[–]spyder575 2 points an hour ago
That was quite possibly one of the most cringe-worthy things I have read all day. If you want a girlfriend, then you need to be a guy that girls would actually want to date.
I'd normally suggest against changing yourself to fit into others' ideals, but given how large your ego is, it might actually be the best thing you could do.
[–]gruia 1 point just now
lets redefine ego. ego as selfesteem. his selfesteem is not high, its low. he is very far from reality thus entitlement and frustrations
[–]KissyKillerKitty [score hidden] 27 minutes ago
Slap that on your dating profile and see if any lady likes your philosophy
[–]gruia 1 point 5 minutes ago
you change yourself because you see weakness in you, and what virtue to replace it. you dont CHANGE to get the girl, it matters what you change and what you change into. if S1 < S2, go for it, if not, you are retarded . there are many issues in your philosophy. females are not after social status, females are after your identity that might turn out better if you are successful and have social status. there are ton of examples for this.
no, social status is always the same, you are wrong to see it fluctuate. attraction / status is always defined by health(muscles,beauty), mental health(vulnerability,authenticity, smarts) and selfesteem (how well you understand reality, how close your perspective is to reality - as you can see, its pretty far off making you unattractive) use your mind more, think of all the implications of your actions ), you are on a very shallow layer right now maybe read the six pillars of selfesteem
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